ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
