the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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