i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
