He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
