his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
