And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
