He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
