Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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