Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
