dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
