hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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