my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
