i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
