Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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