So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
