I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she smelled like a LAN party
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
