he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
