My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
