would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
