You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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