This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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