I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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