i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
