I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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