DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I believe in your delicious
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
