Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
