I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
