She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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