Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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