im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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