Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
