What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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