my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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