no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
