I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
