Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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