OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We got so high we made milksteak
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
