you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
