Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
