i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
