We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
