My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
