It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dicks are not precious.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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