we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
