You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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