I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
