The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
