Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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