So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
