I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
